I'm thinking of holidays past. What love has been... what love is now.

It's all different now. I've worked my adult life for a love of family. No one can take that from me. There my love will always be.

I've not worked for this but here am I. Our empty nest now, may be my own. I don't know what to do, when I wake up with just me. Dear God, please help me dream.

I ran in Hawaii today. iFit took me there. My body feels good. Better than it has for awhile. A day at a time. Do the best I can; I'll be okay.

May I be held in loving kindness. May I be happy and safe. May I be healthy in body and in mind. May I always have enough. May my heart know peace.

Early morning preparation for tomorrow's festivities. Mom's twice baked potatoes are always a hit. It's my second time making them. The first time I had mom's help so I'm worried I've made a mistake.

I've got sugarplums dancing through my head, thinking about my kid's kids' sugarplums dancing through their heads.

My neighbors are the best.

Festive days filled with love.

A day I thought would be empty, started with a run in a virtual paradise.

Ready for the day, I read while I waited for the call to spend a joyful morning with my joy and rejoicing. Santa came to town and delivered comfort for their dreams. It was a joy to be with them.

From there I rushed home to get ready and go to an evening with loved ones of my loved ones. At their house in the snow, my own heart did grow, to include love for all of them.

A circle of prayer, great food, and conversation made this a joyful occasion.

"...the universe hates me!" she said.

I say with full authority, that one small part of the universe loves you. Is that enough?

I think for a living, but when I clear my mind, my failures invade.

Lately, I'm never clear. If I'm sitting still and not distracted with someone else's story, I can't concentrate.

My dreading this new future. My denial that my love has left. My anguish in the thought that she has.

One day at a time. Do the best I can. Hope it's good enough.

“Home is a privilege.”

My first flight, was given as a gift today from my first child.

Free To Be

When my child, who was no longer a child, left my care to be, all that I’d hoped for with them was tested. Not to pass or fail, but to sink or sail. Are they ready to be? When I look at my children, whom do I see? I see them from beginning to end. I don’t see me, I see them, as they were when they came to me, unique. This time unknown to them, I remember oh, so, well. Helpless, are we. Them, because of their inexperience. Me, because of mine. Both infants. Are they mine? No, I am theirs, until I can no longer be. I see the infant. I see the toddler. I see the kindergartner. We grew from helpless to capable. Then, they were free but they still needed me. Their talents, unique, their needs, the same. I'd help in their need as they'd try and succeed in developing the person they wanted to be. I was sailing then, to an ironic destination. Arrival at my port meant their departure from it. Sailing takes time, and their destinations are not mine. Now, when they are there, in my living room chair, I see who my memory gives me.

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

Something Useful

Happy new year!

Every year, during the coldest part of winter, I look forward to the visiting birds. They feast on the seeds ripened on the trees I planted years ago.

Back to work

I love to work.